


You Are Afraid and It Makes You Angry

by Anonymous



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst?, Crying, F/F, Making Out, Yearning, but like barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28196964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I run into a girl I used to barely know at a party.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Kudos: 2
Collections: Anonymous





	You Are Afraid and It Makes You Angry

I ran into this girl I used to know; we'd hung out once but were more of acquaintances. It was a terrible night after running into her. It was cold and we were at a mutual friend's birthday party; it was late enough in the night for the birthday boys worshipers to disperse to their own near doings.  
Me and her we have that  
"Wow it's so nice to see you again!"  
"You too."  
"How have you been?" exchange verbatim.  
Later in the night, impossibly late as it had become morning, we find ourselves on the couch talking about nothing important. Work, school, life, death, and how we met.  
  
"You were so angry all the time"  
"I know"  
"You were mean"  
"Yeah"  
"but I liked you. You could be so sweet and then you get angry."  
  
I'm crying by then because I was crying before when I said "yeah", nice and curt as my voice broke.  
The too-closed position we found ourselves in on that couch feeling like the privilege now. No longer was it two primarily-strangers half cuddling. The 'we' dissolved. Now I found myself leaning into her and she found herself leaning into me. A wave of solipsism hits: why is she leaning into me and how did we end up like this anyways? An interrogation, she's going to describe in great detail how mean I was - passive aggressively of course - she will laugh to dismiss it.  
All I can assume is all that I know to be true. But what then what happens after this prophecy: nothing. Because the prophecy is false. Instead, there is silence.  
  
"I always felt bad because if I weren't so irritable, I think we could have been good friends."  
  
The sentence sickens me. I sicken myself, 'am I just being agreeable so that she will feel bad' I worry. I don't think I am, but I could be.  
  
"I always thought so too. You get so pent up out of fear, -er, anxiety. You want good outcomes and your self-sabotage."  
"Yeah," I laugh to dismiss it. It hurts.  
"I always liked you anyways."  
"Me too."  
  
While my guilt my _anxiety_ festers as I stare at her. She's leaned closer and is laying into me, her head hovering over my shoulder. We've been closed like this before when I wasn't so angry at myself and everyone.  
Like a best friend at a sleepover, I'd thought. She's too bold to be scared of such affectionate gestures to acquaintances. She's always been touchy, she's always been loud.  
But here we are less than acquaintances.  
She kisses me, I, who had never been kissed. I kiss back and pull away laughing.   
  
"Ha, I don't know how to kiss!"  
_"Ha, I am incompetent," "Ha, I'm sorry I'm bad at that,"_  
  
"I want to kiss you and you want to kiss me, but you're scared. You can't be perfect on the first try but you have to try"  
she chuckles  
  
_"You're scared."_  
  
"I'm not. I'm not scared."  
  
I say, visibly shaking and eyes still watering as I pull her close and kiss her. She's motionless and soft.  
I feel like I'm plummeting.  
She hums waiting for me to lead as we have a blind standoff.  
  
_"Approve of me."_  
_"Forgive me for what I was like when I was seventeen."_  
_"Kiss me back like before."_  
_"I'm not afraid."_  
  
Eventually she does kiss me back like before like nothing happened. Like she always intended to kiss me. Telling me I'm mean as a flirty statement of and unfortunate truth of character. Her nonchalant lean turns into a light shove as she climbed on top of me. We lull to a stop and sit, and it is quiet. My mind races, my yearning for approval became an incoherent voice groaning in the back of my mind.  
  
"You are a very bad kisser." she said

**Author's Note:**

> *screams the end credits song, 'Back in the 90s' from Bojack Horseman*  
> At least that is how it went when I was talking to myself in my bedroom at 11 PM on December 20th 2020 when I then went to write a (in my opinion) poorly written draft that I proceeded the hardly revise and post anonymously onto this website. The juxtaposition of a emotionally and physically abusive horse-man and some girl who was kinda snippy in high school and was barely alive in the 90s is just chefs kiss.
> 
> tl;dr I haven't written in forever, I don't think I'm all that great but I wanted to get an idea out of my head for once. -JL


End file.
